...a large, phallic salt-mill.
"Ha!" she unimaginatively cried (on account of only having been awake for a short while), and proceeded to grind salt all over our poor hero.
As he opened his mouth to plead for mercy, he was horrified to notice his innards spilling out of it, gooping on to the floor in an oozy mess.
"Finally!" cackled Sue and Felicity in unison, "That's got rid of the insipid snail, who so rudely got in the way of the real story, let's continue on our quest to find...