...fulfil your destiny. Go on, do it!!"
"Oh, for God's sake" whined Bertram, "This is bloody dragging on something chronic".
"Too bloody right, Gov'ner!" Salvador agreed, remembering his cockney accent after what felt like years of silence.
But Horicina had another thing to say...

"HONK"

... and with that, she morphed into her true form, Jay-Aston-wannabe: Annie Lennox!

"HONK HONK! OCH AYE! You were the only one who could be bothered to search for your destiny HONK! And now I shall reward you with the greatest prize of all! You shall bestowed the honour of being the King of my feminine, bronchial vineyard jungle thing HONK! Oh aye! Come to Mamma, my little one!"

After such an uninteresting, and unscottish speech, Bertram could do nothing but sob his thanks to Annie, and live happily ever after as her weeping perineum.

However, what happened to Salvador is another story...

THE END

...Horacina's reconstituted beak.
Quickly, Bertram and Salvador bellowed honk songs until the duck relented.
"I am defeated, but completion of the Honking Wheezle-Fest you are taking part in, involves you listening to me tell you how to run a vineyard. So I will and you will win the Honking Wheezle-Fest, even if you do brush your teeth for less minutes per day than I, " he/she said, transsexually. "For there appears to be no other contestants."
"So to run a bronchial vineyard, you must..."

I know it's not my turn, but since nobody else can be bothered:

..."Pee on my Leg and tell ME it's raining!" This they thusly did so, sir, and went on their merry way, holding hands and tap-dancing the tune to Neighbours. These actions just so happened to be the exact instructions for the spell of communing with deceased poultry, as detailed on page 5096 of 'Duck Acorah's Mystical Recipes of the Dead'. Just as they reached the bit where Madge's window gets broken by an errant cricket ball, their bleeding eyes were confronted with...